I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
