I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
