I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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