Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
