so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
