U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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