is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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