In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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