May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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