I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
