the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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