The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize