then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
