We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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