just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
