im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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