She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
