Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize