This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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