I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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