She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Bring me that man meat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
