just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
