why didn't you poke me back
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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