Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
