mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
