She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
