It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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