Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
