So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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