You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
