I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
