No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
