I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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