Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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