I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
