I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
