other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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