my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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