So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
