It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
