the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
