So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
