I'm drive I can fine osifer
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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