Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
