i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
