please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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