Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
