I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
