Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
