No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Be still, my beating vagina.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
