I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
