if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
