Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize