i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
PANTIES FOUND
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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