I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The air was thick with penises
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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