Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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