Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so much tequila, so little girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
