saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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