I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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