He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
