pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
