Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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