end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
