You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
