I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
