Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
