So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
